This week, I've really been stumbling with what to write next. I would start a post, and then end up going somewhere completely different. I kept circling around and around, until I realized that I kept coming back to the same idea: Am I worthy?

 

Since I moved to New York, I've face a lot of questions about myself. Questions that have grown all the louder after deciding to start a blog. Am I interesting enough? Do I have enough to share? Am I experienced enough? Or intelligent enough? Who am I anyway? I'm not even sure how to define myself: Actor? Stage manager? Yoga teacher? Blogger? Coloradan? Baby New Yorker? When people ask about me, I'm not sure how to respond. When I ask myself about me, I'm similarly stumped. I don't feel like I fit any one title, and I'm not sure if I deserve any of them. I just don't know what to answer.

 

So, I set out to write down the things I do know about myself:

 

-I am someone who loves fiercely. I invest in the lives of those I care about (even when it means taking three trains to going to a different borough to do so). I love and care with every fibre of my being, even when it leads to my own devastation.

-I am someone who believes in the innate goodness within all people. Even when I've been dragged through the mud or someone I care about has shown me colors that are less than true, I can't help but want to love them, believe in them, and lift them back up.

-I am someone who knows the fear of being unworthy, unwanted, and invisible. I know the iron-hard grasp of terror that comes from fearing others' disapproval. I know the fear of investing in myself.

-I am someone who knows the love, trust, and connection it takes to overcome those fears. I am someone willing to fight for others to conquer that field.

-I am someone who weeps when I see those I care for at their best, because sometimes my love just can't be contained.

-I am someone who has moments of triumph and moments of failure.

-I am someone who believes that I can learn from both, but shouldn't dwell too much on either. (And I'm someone who admits that that's sometimes easier said than done.)

-I am someone who can find joy in everything.

-I am someone who occasionally falls off the wagon and forgets about joy and spirals down into fear.

-I am someone who can forgive myself for falling off, and, like a cowgirl, I get back on.

-I am someone who trusts that when I leap, the Universe will be there to catch me, as long as I trust, listen, and believe.

-I am someone who believes in the moments of clarity the Universe provides.

-I am someone trying to find and live my dharma (life's purpose).

-I am someone trying to live the path of love, life, and connection.

 

These things are my truth. They're the truth of who I am, rather than what I am. No, I may not know what title or label fits me best. And I may still struggle with whether I deserve any of them. But I do know that I am worthy. Not because of a label. Not because of any of the things that I listed, or didn't list. I am worthy simply because I am here.

 

Each of us is an incredible merging of the infinite and the finite. The bigger, universal Self with our beautiful, unique selves. It's not our accomplishments or labels or other's opinions that give us worthiness. We are each worthy simply because we are here. We are worthy just as we are. We are worthy every moment. We just have to give ourselves the grace to believe it. There is no "I'll be worthy when I ______." You're worthy now. And when we let ourselves be worthy now, it's amazing what doors will open for us.

 

I encourage you: write down the things you know about yourself. Not the labels and titles, but who you are. Let it come from a place of love and acceptance of all of yourself. Let it come from the place where your higher Self--that already knows you are enough--connects with your daily self. And let the last thing you write--the thing that seals what you know about yourself--be that you are worthy.

 

Which is how I'll seal this post, with something I didn't list yet about who I am:

-I am someone who knows her own worth. I know that I am worthy here and now, just as I am.